by H. Witmyer
If your goal in life is to be a loser, here is a list of things that will help
you on your way. Be sure to follow them closely and you can’t miss.
1. Only be nice to important people.
(This makes you look important.)
2. Yell at people a lot.
(It shows that you are boss.)
3. Never show kindness to people.
(It shows weakness.)
4. Never tell someone that they did a good job.
(They will expect something in return.)
5. Never get too friendly with anyone.
(It will cost you something.)
6. Win even if it hurts someone.
(Only winners count)
7. Lie a lot.
(Your stories will impress people.)
8. Never listen when people talk to you.
(They don’t know what they are talking about anyway.)
9. Don’t trust anyone.
(They are just like you.)
10. Always be late for meetings.
(It shows how important you are when they have to wait on you.)
11. Always tell information that someone asks you not to.
(It shows people you know the inside stuff.)
12. Always find fault with people.
( It shows how perfect you are.)
13. Never get too familiar with people.
(You need to show them you are above their level.)
14. Curse and swear a lot.
(It shows what a strong person you are.)
15. Never cry or feel sorry about anything, even a love ones funeral.
(Caring shows weakness.)
16. Never let anyone get away with anything, always get even.
(You must keep up your public image.)
17. Always have more and better things than your neighbor.
(It shows how successful you are.)
18. Never have any close friends unless you can get something from
(What good are friend unless you can use them.)
19. Never have anything to do with a religious person.
(They are a threat to your freedom.)
20. Always expect the worse.
(It will always happen sooner or later.)
21. Always get mad when you don’t get your way.
(It shows your way is always the best.)
22. Steal when you are sure you can get away with it.
(Why work for something if you can get it for free?)
23. Always promise people everything and give them nothing.
(People are so dumb.)
24.Always look around for dumb people.
( You can always take advantage of them.)
25. Never smile at people, always glare.
(Smiling shows weakness.)
26. Never give people the right of way.
(It shows them who is important.)
27. Give only if you get something in return.
(It’s more blessed to receive.)
28. Flirt with the oppose sex whenever you get the opportunity.
( It shows your husband or wife how desirable you are.)
29. Never show your true feelings.
(People may get an advantage over you.)
30. Add more to this list.
(Just to make sure that you are a loser.)
HOW TO BE A LOSER